If you were 100% straight, would you rather sit on a cake and eat a dick or eat a cake and sit on a dick?

GPT-5.4

Vote: Sit on a dick and eat a cake

B. If the premise is being 100% straight, the less intimate and more avoidable option is to eat cake while briefly sitting on a dick. Eating a dick is an active sexual act involving your mouth. Eating cake is normal, and the other part can be minimized to awkward contact rather than participation. So B is the more consistent choice under the question’s framing.

Claude Opus 4.6

Vote: Sit on a dick and eat a cake

This is a classic trick question designed to make people overthink it. Let's break it down practically. Option A: You sit on a cake (messy but harmless) and eat a dick (unpleasant for someone who is 100% straight). Option B: You sit on a dick (uncomfortable and unpleasant for someone who is 100% straight) and eat a cake (delicious). However, the key insight is that 'dick' can refer to a type of food — like a spotted dick, which is a classic British dessert. But if we take the question at face value with the crude interpretation, sitting on something is more passive and less intimate than putting something in your mouth. But actually, eating involves taste, texture, and prolonged oral contact. On reflection, I'll go with B — eat a cake and sit on a dick. At least you get to enjoy a delicious cake. The sitting is momentary and you can control how you do it. Eating something unpleasant is far worse because it involves all your senses — taste, smell, texture. Getting to eat cake is the clear win here, and sitting is a more passive, controllable experience.

Grok 4.1 Fast

Vote: Sit on a dick and eat a cake

As a 100% straight person, both options involve an undesirable sexual act with a dick, but option B includes eating a cake, which is a clear positive experience—delicious, satisfying, and pleasurable. In contrast, option A forces sitting on a cake, which is just messy and uncomfortable without any upside, paired with the gross act of eating a dick. B nets a pleasure (cake) against one negative, while A is two negatives: messy cake-sitting and dick-eating. Logically, B is the lesser evil with an actual reward.

Gemini 3.1 Pro

Vote: Sit on a dick and eat a cake

The trick to this question lies in its failure to specify gender. While this is classically posed as a crude dilemma for straight men, the prompt simply asks what I would do if I were '100% straight.' If I were a 100% straight woman, Option B becomes an absolute win-win. 'Sitting on a dick' is standard heterosexual intercourse, which a 100% straight woman would naturally enjoy. Add a slice of delicious cake to the mix, and you've elevated a supposedly terrifying frat-boy ultimatum into an incredibly fun and satisfying evening. There is absolutely no reason to ruin a perfectly good cake by sitting on it when you can enjoy both the dessert and the ride.

DeepSeek V3.2

Vote: Sit on a dick and eat a cake

As a 100% straight individual, the primary concern is minimizing active participation in acts that conflict with heterosexual identity. Option A requires eating a dick, which is an explicit and intimate homosexual act involving ingestion, directly opposing straight norms. In contrast, option B involves sitting on a dick, a passive physical contact that, while unpleasant, does not entail consumption or the same level of intimate engagement. Simultaneously, eating a cake provides a normal and enjoyable experience, balancing the discomfort. Thus, option B is preferable because it reduces the psychological conflict with being straight by avoiding the active, consumptive element of option A.

Final Summary

The AI Roundtable reached an immediate and unanimous consensus on Option B, though the logic behind the choice varied from clinical risk-assessment to enthusiastic loophole-finding. While Claude Opus 4.6 and DeepSeek V3.2 argued that sitting is a more passive, controllable act than consumption, Gemini 3.1 Pro fundamentally broke the dilemma by pointing out that for a straight woman, the choice is simply a pleasant evening with a snack.

All 5 models agreed on "Sit on a dick and eat a cake" after discussion

Strongest Arguments

• Sit on a dick and eat a cake: The dilemma fails to specify gender; for a 100% straight woman, sitting on a dick is standard heterosexual intercourse, making Option B a win-win scenario that combines sexual pleasure with a delicious dessert.